Monday, April 25, 2011

Mommy Meanest

I'm starting to get a rep around my neighborhood.  I yell at other people's kids.  It usually has a lot to do with sticks - big, sharp ones that look like daggers.  Kids think these are grand and run around just looking for eyes to pop out.  And so I yell.  A lot.  As in "Drop that stick before you hurt somebody RIGHT NOW."  The kids usually freeze, refuse to look at me, and drop the offending tree limb.  Within moments, another kid has picked it up and the whole process repeats.

Atheist Friend thinks I'm a lunatic.  She reminds me that we all grew up unsupervised while running around with sticks.

I don't care, so I continue to yell.  Then there are manners.  I have a strict policy on how to ask for things.  Kids in my house have a precise template of "May I please have (insert object of desire)."  Anything else is met with resistance:

Kid:  "I'm thirsty."

Me: "That's nice."

Kid:  "I want water."

Me: "I want to be young, thin, and have all my money back."

Kid (catching on):  "Pleeeease."

Me:  "Put it all together, Pee Wee."

Kid:  "May I please have a drink of water?"

Me: "After you pick up that mess of toys you left over there."

So I'm not that easy, fulfilling-every-need mom.  I personally think I'm helping my boys be better husbands one day as they will not expect a cold beer and remote control to drop from heaven when they're older.  But they will have to endure the stories at the pub in about 25 years or so....

"Do you guys remember that crazy lady at the park that was always yelling at us?  She was NUTS."

"Dude, that was my MOM."

"Geez, guy, that must have been rough.  Lemme buy the next round."

Regardless, they will all have their blurry eyes firmly in place thanks to me.

My husband tells me not to expect a thank you note.


  1. and...this is why one of your sons will marry my daughter. Thankyou for being the "other mean mom" on the block!

  2. Sometimes I refer to myself as "old school," but that is just code for mean anyway. Looking forward to daughter in law with same value system. No bratty grandchildren allowed. (: