As with everything else, I only buy from Eddie Bauer at the end of the season when I can snag stuff for 75% off. These flip-flops? They were like $2.99 last December.
|I know, I know. Why I was never tapped as a foot model is beyond me. Perhaps it had something to do with the cankles?|
I headed over there the other day to sample their new, much-hyped jeans. I planned to make a list of what I liked so I could buy it when it was eventually clearanced.
But the jeans? They felt like spandex. They showed every lump I had.
I asked the saleslady for some other jeans to try on. Regular ones. Without all the stretch. That's when she dropped the bomb:
"All of our jeans now have spandex in them. Aren't they GREAT?"
No. No. No.
Spandex is only "great" if you are a size 2 and you want people to notice your calf muscles through your pants.
Spandex is NOT great for 40 year-old women who eat Ding Dongs.
As my best friend Jeanette and I checked out a few other stores, we noticed the Spandex-as-Jeans trend had also taken hold elsewhere. Every store had jeans that contained a certain percentage of that most unforgiving (and dare I say, demonic?) of fabrics.
Annoyed, I posted a comment about my anti-spandex stance on the Eddie Bauer website. I asked that they bring back a few spandex-free choices. I demanded they remember us fat chicks who basically made them.
And wouldn't you know?
Eddie Bauer called back. They left a message. They wanted to discuss my feelings.
So I returned the call. It pretty much went like this:
Eddie Bauer Lady: We really want you to be happy about our new jeans. We're very excited about them.
Marianne: Yeah. But I like your old jeans.
Eddie Bauer Lady: But our new jeans are so great!
Marianne. Nah. They make me look fat ("fatter" if I was being 100% honest).
Eddie Bauer Lady: So what can we do to help you understand how great our new jeans are?
Marianne: Hire me a personal trainer?
Eddie Bauer Lady:
Marianne: Pay for liposuction?
Eddie Bauer Lady:
Marianne: Oh, for Pete's sake. I just want some regular old-fashioned thick jeans without spandex. Could you just bring the old ones back?
Eddie Bauer Lady: So do you think you might like our trouser pants? They only have 2% spandex. They're really really great!
I gotta give them credit for trying.