The Forbidden Affy Tapples

To help alleviate my guilt over never doing Market Day or Innisbrook fundraising, here is visual proof that I willingly jumped right on board for the big Affy Tapple school sale:

They kind of look like angry little picketers, don't they?

Is it just me, or does anybody else find it ironic that most schools have strict anti-nut policies, yet this is the fundraiser they run with? 

Anyway, I placed my order as the boys all promised to do their duty and help dwindle down the supply.  Joey sat at the table for an entire hour licking his Affy Tapple like a sucker. Unfortunately, it is now apparent that it takes more than an hour for a 4 year-old to erode peanuts with his tongue. I promptly ate his drooly mess when he announced his "sucker" didn't work right.

Jack took one bite and told me he didn't like the "seeds" (the peanuts). I inhaled that one, too.  Daniel licked most of the carmel and nuts right off his and handed me the rest with a thoughtful, "I saved some for you, mom." Not a problem. Affy Tapple #3 was dispatched of immediately. Each Affy Tapple has 120 calories. I had already polished off three. In 15 minutes. 

I decided to swear off the rest of these carmel-laced temptations and dole them out to friends and family as quickly as possible. The apples obviously have some sort of ungodly hold on me. It was as though a conniving little serpent was whispering in my ear:

SSSS...they're just fruit.  Fruit is good for you.

SSSSS....they expire on November 7th.  You abhor waste, right?

SSSSS...apples make you smart so you can help Daniel with his math homework. Finally. 

My punishment is evident.  Cast out of single-digit clothes.  Cursed to roam the world without grace or favor.  Forever subordinate to those who can control their Affy Tapple desire.

Reason #63 why I hate school fundraisers.