The Wild Card

Ever wonder about the twists and turns of your child's double helix?  We weren't exactly sure where Joey got his DNA, but this week, it all started making sense. 

Click here for full story in Chicago Parent.

"Joey in Motion"

At Last!

Tonight? We Do Bourbon.

For those unfamiliar with the southside of Chicago and its many unique offerings, there are certain statements that leave outsiders a bit perplexed:

"Mary-Margaret is making her First Communion this weekend.  I'm going to rely on bourbon because hosting a party for 300 guests stresses me out."

or

"Did you hear about poor Mick McDuffy?  He's full of cancer.  They're putting something together with bourbon to help him."

and

"After the wake and funeral, I understand we're doing bourbon from 2 to 5."

You may be wondering why everyone on the southside of Chicago is such a whiskey fan.  

"Bourbon" actually refers to Bourbon Street, a facility home to countless fundraisers, post-sacrament parties, and most pressing:

My next book-signing!

TONIGHT!  FRIDAY!  FEBRUARY 22!



My banner.  I totally have a banner now. 

The wonderful folks at Barbara Vick Early Childhood center are throwing their yearly fundraiser this evening from 7 pm to 11 pm.  To get into the special Barbara Vick section, there is a $35 wristband you can buy which entitles you to food and drink.  If you just want to hang out at facility itself (plenty of bars, bands, and people), that is free. 

Yet whoever buys an autographed copy of Epic Mom will also be supporting the school as $5 from every sale will go directly back to Barbara Vick.

And I'm even bringing along the final few FIRST edition copies along with plenty of second editions:

First edition (left) Second Edition (right).  Can you spot the differences?  It's like Highlights Magazine.

The back is easier:

See that coffee stain?  It was intended to be funny & reinforce all the imperfections of motherhood.  Several people brought their books back to the bookstore asking to exchange them.  They thought the ring stain was REAL, so.....

2nd edition?  No stain. 

The first edition also has a few spacing errors that make it just that much more unique and a must-have collectible.  Who knows how many tens of dollars it will be worth one day? 

So if you're heading up for the fundraiser, or just looking for a cool place to hang out, stop by and grab the book that my Nana is calling "A Must-Read for 2013."

And if anyone out there in the blogosphere wants to order one of the few remaining first edition copies (no longer available on Amazon), email me at mostlymarianne@gmail.com.  I'll give you the same special pricing that I am using for the fundraiser and the book will be signed and mailed to you.

Here's to a great night of Bourbon!

Story of a Dress

Bridesmaid dresses are a complete racket.  You pay for the dress, the alterations, and post-event dry cleaning all in a delirious state of "I WILL wear this again!" 

And then you never do.

I'm putting an end to this vicious cycle.  Click here for full story in Chicago Parent.

The "final hours" of my last bridesmaid dress.  Will it live to fight another day?

Oh, and that picture above?  It was about 5 am during the after-after party.  I am using the bottom portion of the bride's dress for my blanky.  Desperate times, desperate measures. 

Naming Your Baby

When I was pregnant the first time, I wanted to name our son "Jack." It was always my favorite boy name. I eventually relented when my husband's father became very ill and had not a single grandson named after him. My father-in-law's name?  Daniel.

So the order of our children's names was forever changed. 

But had the circumstances been different, the first two boys would have been Jack THEN Daniel.

And what do you suppose I would have named the third?

Coke.

Why, you ask?  Think of the mileage I'd get out of introducing my kids:

Meet my boys...Jack, Daniel, and Coke.

And maybe Coca-Cola would've simply given me this rewards-catalog frying pan for free instead of sucking up my entire 1800 points accrued over 3 years.

I will admit that the pan is the real deal.  It is heavy, well-made and quite attractive.  Coca-Cola doesn't mess around.

I'm thinking of making something healthy tonight in honor of that awesome Coca-Cola Balanced Living Workshop they sent me to a few months ago.  While the workshop and free frying pan are definitely the highlights of the last several months, I can't help but think that had I gone with my original order, I'd be featured on the package of every Coca-Cola product out there.

Or on the cover of a rum bottle.  Which is perhaps more fitting.

LTYM & The Dead Grandma Card

As several of my BFF's of the blogosphere prepared readings for the big LTYM Show that will take place this May 5th, a recurring question came up:

How are you guys preparing for auditions?

As a closet introvert, I am still amazed I was selected.  While I spent years stomping out the girl who knew only social anxiety and angst, a part of her is still with me.  I used to count steps as I walked busy city streets to provide distraction and calm.  And if murderers or muggers tried accosting me while I counted? 

Hell hath no fury like Marianne in the throes of her OCD. 

Still, people wanted to know how I was preparing.  In an effort to assist my tens of loyal readers, I have compiled a complete step-by-step guide for auditioning:

#1 Break a Window

Two days before the audition, I was Windexing our 80-year-old etched glass windows and inadvertently bumped a nearby table into the bottom of one pane.  The result:

I thought for sure this was a bad omen for the impending try-out.  When I called my husband at the firehouse to let him know what happened, I started blubbering about 7 years of bad luck. 

"That's for MIRRORS, Marianne.  Not windows."

My husband is so smart. 

#2:  Lock in the Dead Grandma Pity Vote

My grandmother died this past January, but our family scheduled her services for February 9th to allow travelers some time to arrange their schedules.  I thought for sure I would get in trouble with the LTYM producers for making demands for a preferred audition date this early in the process.  I figured they'd write me off as a diva immediately.

Nope.  Dead grandmas are apparently good luck.  Like broken windows and smart husbands.  RIP, Grandma Dorothy, and thanks for pulling for me!

#3 Rehearse in Front of Drunken Irish Mourners

With cousins aplenty, I opted to take advantage of the Irish mourning crowd and sneak in some rehearsal.  My cousins offered countless Bailey's and RumChata-inspired ideas about the piece.  Being equally imbibed, I happily incorporated all of these gems.

While the extra practice was certainly invaluable, I did get a little feedback from the producers after my reading:

"Yeah.  Um.  Let's keep it how you had it originally, 'kay?" 

Sorry, gang.

#4 Speaking of Liquor

In moments of extreme doubt and uncertainty, I sometimes turn to my husband's flask for a little dose of liquid courage.  For those who might not remember, this flask was a gift from my husband's cousin when he stood up in his wedding.  The cousin had everyone's initials monogrammed to the flask:

That's right, I own a J.E.W. flask courtesy of Joseph E. Walsh.  I'm also thinking of bringing it to the next Seder I get invited to.  Steph?  Rada?  You listening??  I needs me some flattened bread ASAP.

So there you have it.  The How-To Guide for LTYM success.

Good luck to everyone auditioning this weekend and congrats to all my bloggy pals who've already made it.  I also know some very talented people did not make it, but I hope that doesn't dissuade them from trying again.  The caliber of auditioners was just amazing this year.

'Cept me, that is.  I played the Dead Grandma Card.

But to all those who will be on stage this May 5th...

BREAK A WINDOW!