Lately I've been hearing a lot of nonsense about allowing kids to be themselves. I fight the urge to not laugh aloud at such wack-a-doodle parenting theories. If I allowed my children to "be themselves," they wouldn't shower, eat anything except french fries, or know how to read.
This is where our job as parents comes in. We civilize them. Prep them for polite society if you will. Thwart their egocentric wills at every turn. Crush their desire to roam the earth naked while eating a bag of Cheetos. Then we pick them up, dust them off, and direct them towards education and careers so they can move the heck out of my house.
To prove my point, here is the latest video of Joey displaying his new obsession with "farting out of his mouth." It has been a month-long battle to get him to stop doing this:
For those not completely distracted by Joey's performance, that would be Jack practicing the piano in the background. His civilization is coming along quite nicely, thank you very much.
I will start allowing my kids more room to "be themselves" once they can cut their own meat, properly wash their own hands, and take baths without leaving an inch of standing water on my bathroom floor.
Until then, they are all mine.