Cheerios works, people.
Still, when Joe sees a restaurant on one of those foodie television shows, I usually try to be a good sport. But some of these places are in really horrible neighborhoods. I write this not as a former suburbanite prone to over-reacting. This is a 15-year city vet who knows a corner drug deal when she sees one.
So last weekend, we again went in search of some kind of magic pizza puff about which great things have been written. The neighborhood was one of the worst I'd ever seen. Dirty. Lots of corner activity. Graffiti everywhere. Not another minivan anywhere in site.
As the five of us piled out, I was relieved to spot a police officer through the window eating a 6-pound pizza puff. This told me two things: the food was going to be great and we probably weren't going to die.
When we took our seats, I couldn't help but notice a very large woman eating her dinner. My husband (who is in the business of moving very large people as a paramedic) later estimated her weight at about 700 pounds. I'm not one to judge. Left to my own devices, I could easily become a 700 pound pizza puff devotee. It's really not outside of my realm of possibility.
Up until that moment, my youngest son Joey had never seen anyone this large. He immediately started to talk. I immediately started shushing him.
Joey: Mommy...see dat wady (lady)...
Joey: Mommy...dat wady is....
Me: STOP talking, Joseph.
Joey: Mommy...dat wady is willy willy (really really).....
Me: Joseph! Say another word and you're in TIME OUT.
Joey: But Mommy...see her. Wite (right) THERE!
I finally got the kid to be quiet as we ate our amazingly awesome giant pizza puff. The policeman nodded his head in agreement as we "mmmm'ed" our way through dinner.
Unfortunately, this is where Joey saw an opportunity to finally make his point. He started up about the "wady" just as I shoved a giant-sized bite of puff into my mouth. It all happened in slow motion.
(right at this point I started choking on my food trying to stop him)
Oh dear God. Thank you. The woman turned and smiled at us. I took a sip of water in order to alleviate my spastic coughing.
Despite my near-death choking experience, I got to say. It was so worth the food.
|Random shot of Joey since I didn't bring my camera.|
I suppose my inspiration for this lecture comes mostly from the fact that the woman really could be me one day. I'm talking awesome pizza puff here - 700 pounds or not, the lady had great taste.