Joe: My darling, you sound tired. Have I awoken you from restful slumber? A person so emblematic of virtuous mind and spirit should not be disturbed by my clumsy love and desire to hear just a single word from your lips.
Me: My angel. Even the most miraculous of dreams could not compare to a single waking moment with you.
Joe: Have you ever known such a glorious sunrise? Why, cast back the curtains and take hold of the dazzling morning light that beckons our eternity together. Its brilliant gold radiance and heavenly aura, though breathtaking, still merely pale in comparison to my burning desire to see you again soon.
I could really draw this out for a while, but the thought of Joe actually talking this way is making me laugh. I've had 3 kids. Laughing does not bode well for my bladder.
Anyway. Here's the actual conversation I had with my husband Friday morning:
Me (trying to hide the fact that I just woke up): Hello?
Joe: Did you just wake up?
Joe: Is Danny ready for school? It's almost 6:30 (Danny has to be at the bus by 6:55 am).
Me (lying): Yup.
Joe (doubtful): Ok. Anyway, we had a fire last night.
Me: Everybody okay?
Joe: A staircase collapsed. One of our guys fell through it and sprained an ankle.
Me: Oh Jesus. That's scary.
Me: So where are you now?
Joe: On my way to hang drape (2nd job).
Me: How are you feeling?
Joe: Like I'm tired of making the flippin' donuts.
Me: Can you pick up some milk on your way home?
Joe: To go with that home cooked meal you're whipping up?
Me: That's right.
Joe: Ok. The roofer is coming by at 12:30 to give us an estimate.
Me: Do I need to be here for that?
Joe: Why? Meeting up with your boyfriend?
Me: I need to get the boys something nice to wear to the wake tonight (for the death of a close family friend). None of their good shirts fit.
Joe: Just promise me you won't buy them stupid matching outfits.
Me: I love you.
Joe: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
|Stupid Matching Outfits. Not the cutest items I came across, but I had a coupon and a gift card.|
He calls because he has no confidence in his wife's ability to get all 3 kids off to their respective schools on time.
Smart man, that Joe.