Thursday, August 23, 2012

Where Have All the Good Jeans Gone?

I've never hidden the fact that I'm a big Eddie Bauer fan.  Just about every item they carry  comes in a tall.  I'd wear raccoon britches if they came in a tall. 

As with everything else, I only buy from Eddie Bauer at the end of the season when I can snag stuff for 75% off.  These flip-flops?  They were like $2.99 last December.

I know, I know.  Why I was never tapped as a foot model is beyond me.  Perhaps it had something to do with the cankles?

I headed over there the other day to sample their new, much-hyped jeans.  I planned to make a list of what I liked so I could buy it when it was eventually clearanced.

But the jeans?  They felt like spandex.  They showed every lump I had. 

I asked the saleslady for some other jeans to try on.  Regular ones.  Without all the stretch.  That's when she dropped the bomb:

"All of our jeans now have spandex in them.  Aren't they GREAT?"

No.  No.  No.

Spandex is only "great" if you are a size 2 and you want people to notice your calf muscles through your pants.

Spandex is NOT great for 40 year-old women who eat Ding Dongs.

As my best friend Jeanette and I checked out a few other stores, we noticed the Spandex-as-Jeans trend had also taken hold elsewhere. Every store had jeans that contained a certain percentage of that most unforgiving (and dare I say, demonic?) of fabrics.  

Annoyed, I posted a comment about my anti-spandex stance on the Eddie Bauer website.  I asked that they bring back a few spandex-free choices.  I demanded they remember us fat chicks who basically made them.

And wouldn't you know?

Eddie Bauer called back.  They left a message.  They wanted to discuss my feelings.

So I returned the call.  It pretty much went like this:

Eddie Bauer Lady:  We really want you to be happy about our new jeans.  We're very excited about them.

Marianne:  Yeah.  But I like your old jeans.

Eddie Bauer Lady:  But our new jeans are so great!

Marianne.  Nah.  They make me look fat ("fatter" if I was being 100% honest).

Eddie Bauer Lady: So what can we do to help you understand how great our new jeans are?

Marianne:  Hire me a personal trainer?

Eddie Bauer Lady:

Marianne:  Pay for liposuction?

Eddie Bauer Lady:

Marianne:  Oh, for Pete's sake.  I just want some regular old-fashioned thick jeans without spandex.  Could you just bring the old ones back?

Eddie Bauer Lady:  So do you think you might like our trouser pants?  They only have 2% spandex.  They're really really great!

I gotta give them credit for trying.

51 comments:

  1. I feel your pain. I LOVED the Eddie Bauer jeans--had about a half-dozen pairs. When will they get it? If one is lumpy the way that I am, SPANDEX IS NOT A FRIEND!!! I hate to have to go to an old lady store like Chicos or Coldwater Creek--that just feels like giving up.

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    1. Ha! I was the youngest woman by about 25 years last time I went into Coldwater Creek. What's happened to us, Kirb???

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  2. I also hate the spandex jeans trend. I don't need to highlight my flaws! I need a pair of jeans that make me look 10 (or 20!) lbs. lighter.

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    1. Couldn't agree more! Why doesn't the fashion industry love moms? We have more money than teenagers, right?

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  3. Men's jeans. That's the ticket. Proper ones though - I believe that there are now men's skinny jeans out there dripping in spandex. Which is wrong. Just so wrong.

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  4. I'm a big Eddie Bauer fan too!! I haven't had a chance to try their new jeans yet but now that you mentioned all the spandex in them, I''m wondering if I'll like them. I kind of dread jean shopping usually until I find a pair that works good with my fat thighs, big bum, and large calves! I will have to see if these new styles compliment my shape or not!

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    1. My sister-in-law really liked them, so it's not like I speak for everyone. But let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!

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  5. Spandex is a nightmare. It shows all the lumps and then sometime, in the middle of the day, it gets stretched out and starts to slide off your body. A couple of days ago I had to pull my pants up about every three minutes. I'm with you...lose the spandex!

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    1. EXACTLY. I knew I couldn't have been the only one.

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  6. I have a couple Eddie Bauer pieces and always loved the fact that they did their own thing ... (such as offer jean jeans), guess that doesn't apply anymore. *sigh* But you're right .. they get credit for being .. attentive?

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    1. I figure half the battle with retail nowadays is finding someone helpful. The other half, of course, is finding items without Spandex. I guess we can't get everything we want, right?

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  7. This is why I buy my jeans at Goodwill. When everyone who must have the latest thing runs out and buys spandex, they discard their perfectly good regular jeans and I pick them up for pennies on the dollar.

    Really, there are very few real people who need to wear spandex. Let's all hold our breath and hope this passes soon.

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  8. BAHAHA. You actually left a complaint?! HAHAHAHA. Love it!
    p.s I love trouser pants/jeans. Try them.

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    1. I did, but oddly enough, it hasn't appeared on the site yet. Am I being screened???

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  9. LOL! There's no way you have cankles!
    I'm so glad the spandex in jeans trend hasn't happened over here yet...I already feel like the Pilsbury Doughboy. Imagine shoving all that extra cushioning into spandex jeans. (the world shudders at the mere thought)

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    1. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LILY! STOCK UP NOW! IT'S COMING TO YOUR SHORES SOON ENOUGH! BE PREPARED! THE SPANDEX ARE COMING, THE SPANDEX ARE COMING!!

      Love, Marianne Revere

      P.S. I wonder if this humor translates. Do the British study Paul Revere and his famous "The British are coming!" moment in history? I suppose not.

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  10. Are spandex jeans just a slightly baggy jegging? I think so, and no thank you!

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    1. You pretty much captured the exact description of these heinous beasts. Wrong on so many levels.

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  11. Oh my oh my oh my ...

    Not sure which side of the fence to stand on ...

    I like the non-spandex-hold-it-all-in version ...

    And then the spandex let me expand as I eat the kid's Halloween candy version are pretty cool and practical too ...

    :)

    Linda

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    1. You make a good point, my friend. I may need to reconsider?

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  12. I love the jeans! I'm not so much concerned about how I look in them anymore (40 years old and over weight). They are, however, super comfortable and don't gap at the waistband when I lean over. No body wants to, or needs to see my ass crack.

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    1. You sound like my sister-in-law. She LOVES them for the same reasons. To each her own, right? Thanks for reading!

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  13. But wait ... the spandex is forgiving. As is giving you extra room so you can eat a nice big breakfast, lunch, and dinner ...

    :)

    Linda

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    1. Good point. And Halloween IS coming up....

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  14. How can jeans make you look fat? Maybe they can make your butt look bigger, but that isn't fat. There's nothing fat about my big firm butt.

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  15. I think it's pretty cool that they called! But yeah...spandex...not a friend of mine.

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    1. I know, right? I felt kinda honored. Eddie and I...totally BFFs.

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  16. Ah, I remember the days, when I was 18, and a dancer, and I loved spandex.
    Sadly, those days are looong gone. The only spandex I want to see is in my bra.

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    1. You were a dancer? How did I miss that? Elaborate, my friend, elaborate!

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  17. I SO agree with you! I want my jeans to be made of cotton. Just cotton. Heavy-ish cotton freaking denim. Is that too much to ask?

    Quick! Head over to eBay and snatch up every pair of your favorite cut in your size before any more time passes. They'll probably go cheap for a while and then when the supply dwindles, it'll cost a fortune to snag a pair.

    I did that when they stopped making my favorite ever jeans: Levis ALL COTTON 501 button fly jeans in women's cut. Best. Jeans. Ever. They discontinued them and I scooped up a bunch (some brand new with tags!) in my size. What I didn't anticipate was the, um, blossoming that I'd do when my estrogen ran out the door, so now I have a stack of the world's most perfect jeans tucked back in my closet. Way in the back.

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    1. Keep them. The universe rewards funny bloggers. Those perfect jeans will see the light of day yet again. Trust me.

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  18. hahahaha...Okay, I hear ya...if the spandex is used in a jean which emphasizes every single cure of your body. I have yet to buy skinny jeans for that very reason! ICK! I wouldn't be caught dead in them. Nope! Those skinny jeans were great in the 80's but not anymore. I think they were called skinny jeans because only skinny people should wear them and I was skinny back then. I don't mind the spandex if it's used in a normal jean or capri, but it can't be so much spandex that it feels like you're wearing nylons.

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    1. Skinny jeans may be the devil incarnate. Thanks for reading, hi-d!

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  19. I was hoping you were going to say they gave you a free pair to try! I have a pair of jean shorts (ok - two pairs) that have a bit of spandex in them and I like them. They're comfy. But, I feel like they're the "mom jeans" version of shorts - a little frumpy looking. I have to shop for new jeans for the fall and I'm dreading it.

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    1. I agree that they are comfy! But at this stage of the game, I spent too many years looking comfy (in old maternity clothes) and now I want to look cute. Stock up on any non-spandex jeans - they are a dying bread! Thanks for stopping by!

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  20. I was just out with a friend shopping recently and we were commenting on how everything is designed with "stretch" now. Unless it's an elastic waist band that's stretching it's not quite what I'm looking for!

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    1. Right! We need to rise up and have our voices hears! No stretch! Sucky-inny fabrics ONLY!

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  21. Once upon a long time ago, when things were 4 percent better and I had a [Fortune 500] job, at the bottom of my e-mails was my automagic signature and a cute little saying that changed sporadicaLLy. One of my favorites was: "Some people do a really good job putting the sour back in Human Resources" - that is one my boss made me remove.

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    1. Ha! Your boss had no sense of humor. The CS rep was pleasant, just very insistent that I wasn't appreciating the genius of the new jeans. But I am dumb, so who knows?

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  22. Bwahahaha! I feel your pain. I'm a little depressed now, though, because at the beginning of the post I was ready to do some online clearance shopping at EB because I didn't know about the long length thing, and I firmly believe that any clothing company that doesn't offer longs should be taken out and flogged. But then to find out that these precious jeans are basically glorified jeggings??? Very disappointing. ;)

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    1. Oh, don't let me spoil you on EB entirely. Some of their clearanced jeans are NON-Spandex (get 'em now!). And I love their tall-length sweaters. Very well-made. Give 'em a whirl!

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  23. I still buy Levi's 550 men's/unisex jeans which are still 100% cotton. I buy men's jeans at Old Navy 100% cotton (love them). I just found 100% cotton cords at Gander Mountain on sale for $9.95/pr. Cruel Girl makes 100% cotton jeans (you can find them at western wear stores like Shepler's or Cavender's. Wrangler for women is making the "Cash" jean which is also 100% cotton. Carharrt also makes a Women’s Relaxed Fit Jean/Straight Leg that is 100% cotton also found at western stores and possibly some sporting goods stores. You can go to the manufacturer website and find a retailer in your area. Hope this helps! There just are not many choices out there. I do not understand the whole stretch jeans craze. I don't want it in my t-shirts either! Talk about showing lumps! I also don't like the stretch in pants, because after wearing them a couple of hours, they are usually hanging down to my knees.

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  24. Okay, here you go, 100% cotton women's jeans:
    1) Wrangler Cash Jeans
    2) Carharrt Relaxed Fit Women's
    3) Cruel Girl has a couple, Dakota is one
    4) I still buy Levi's 550s (unisex)
    5) Old Navy mens you can buy waist & length in various styles and they have a good fit without being poochie in the crotch.
    6) I just bought 100% cotton cords at Gander Mountain (their brand) for $9.95 on sale!

    I just don't understand the whole stretch jean craze. Besides the fact they feel like leotards, I don't like the fact that after a couple of hours they are hanging to my knees. I don't want spandex in my shirts either! Talk about showing lumps! I finally bought one of those body shapers for my upper body to wear under clingy shirts.
    Hope this helps!!!

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  25. I hate Spandex in anything. I am 58 years old, who wants to see a 58-year-old woman in anything stretchy, jeans or otherwise and I am in good physical shape!!! I want 100% cotton jeans. Got that all you marketing people and designers. I do spend money and no one seems to be catering to my segment of the mkt and apparently by the number of comments on this page, these people hv some money to spend also! Lets go, get in line for 100% cotton denim jeans...

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  26. Hate to break it to you, but you probably just need a bigger size (and lay off the ding-dongs) The spandex doesn't change the fit, it only gives the pants more stretch when you move to make them more comfortable. A personal trainer won't help you - your shape is made 70% in the kitchen, 25% in the gym, and 5% genetics (barring some hormone disorder or something)

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    1. Not buying it. My old jeans are far more flattering, regardless of my current size. Spandex is evil incarnate & I'll never change my mind on that. ;)

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  27. They are definately using a different type of spandex threads than used to. My 1980's spandex jeans looked good, felt good, wore well. I am not that shape anymore but I know the difference with todays spandex jean, it feels sweaty and starts falling off my body after 2 hours. "The Boyfriend" style crops got their name by being made from a 100% cotton non'stretch denim. Now stores are making the boyfriend with spandex...i argued with a J Jill saleswoman that they can't call it boyfriend style if it has spandex, and that goes for the nice spring weight pastel chinos too. Believe me, I can still fit my Gap 100% linen chinos because linen gives without adding weight. Spandex in jeans adds wieght, at least how they make it now, because back in the 90s I loved my spandex jeans, they never fell off. I returned a pair of Liz Claiborne jeans because they sweat and slipped off...even with a belt. Women please stand up for the right not to have to shop in the men's deptment. The crotch pooch is demeaning!

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