Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I'm Thinking Rehab

I tried talking my sister-in-law into booking our joint 40th birthdays next year at Promises in Malibu.  She seemed a little taken aback.

"You do know that Promises isn't a spa, right?  It's a drug treatment center."

Of course I knew that.  But Lindsay Lohan goes there!  They cater to celebrities!  There would probably be a goodie basket placed in our room upon check-in.

And most importantly, I was sort of hoping my insurance would cover it.  That was when my sister-in-law pointed out that I'm not really addicted to anything.

If she were to come over and check out the dozen or so empty boxes of Girl Scout cookies in my trash, I think she'd beg to differ.

I've always had these fantasies about sitting down with a therapist and divulging my deepest, darkest secrets.

My real therapist would be hot.  More Colin Firth, less Bob Newhart.
I would tell him about my overwhelming desire to be short.  I'd share my Catholic guilt over the time I tried to sneak my childhood dog some Eucharist to ensure her eternal salvation (my plans were thwarted by my big brother who told me I was going to hell).  I would talk incessantly about myself without interruption, judgement, or someone asking me to wipe their tush.
But my sister-in-law says we can't go to Promises or any place that requires medical forms or certifications. 

That'll teach me to invite her anywhere fun.  She can be such a kill-joy.


  1. love that pic! is that the dentist? I think I have his chair

  2. I voted for you - again. You also have to promise never to GET a puppy. And I want my tupperware back.

  3. Marianne- great minds think alike. I actually wrote a short (comical) story about a mom wishing she was addicted to something just so she can go relax at a swanky rehab.

    I had submitted my entry to the magazine, and guess what.............I forgot to attach the story! I sat around for months waiting to hear if I won, then went back to my email. NO ATTACHMENT!

    Us moms must really need a break, if we are thinking rehab sounds peaceful and relaxing (probably because, for the first few weeks, you are not supposed to have any outside contact) No phone calls from husband asking where something is. That is a dream!!!

    Long comment, but I was just literally grinning ear to ear when I started reading your post! I love that "oh my god, I've thought the same thing" feeling! ;)

  4. Later today...after I finish my drudgery at work, it'll be my Friday. My one day a week I indulge in some liquid medication (wink). I think I might need some rehab tomorrow. My chiseled body can take it....so it tells me.

  5. Gweenbrick - GOOD eye! It is the dentist! I couldn't find the black doctor from the hospital set, so I improvised.

    Anonymous Friend - Do a tupperware run on Thursday. Take extras. I want more peppers and cake. (;

    JR - Oh NO! That's totally something I'd do (not include the attachment). Since I can't do rehab, I'm thinking....PRISON. And I want solitary confinement. Imagine. I'm dizzy just thinking about it.

    Maplewood - you're going to have to post a picture of your post-marathon "chisled" look this October. The girls are waiting with baited breath! I personally like the Shamrock Shuffle. They give you beer at the end.

  6. marianne, I wanna know what those notes are that the doc has on his coffee table. and to JR, are you going to put the story on your site? I would love to read it! it sounds great!


  7. One year is plenty of time to get yourself a mild habit! I think I need to go check my stash to see if I have any little people doubles who might want to use your couch!

  8. Some of those swanky celebrity rehab places are way better than any spa I could afford. Most of them, actually.

  9. I'm sure you could rustle up an addiction and a doctor's note. This is a brilliant idea for a vacation. I love your little people!
    This post made me smile!