Monday, February 13, 2012

Get Thee to a Kohls-ery

Instead of dutifully writing my early morning post yesterday, I found myself en route to the Royal Wedding of baby showers.  Throwing on the only clean dress I could find (aka "my funeral dress"), I frantically got my shabby butt out the door in record time. 

Needless to say, I was a bit disheveled and I'm not entirely sure I remembered to wear deodorant.  To top things off, the mommy-to-be looked fantastic.  With only a few weeks left to go in her pregnancy, she still has chiseled arms, a single chin, and a flat butt.  She reminded me of actresses "playing" pregnant where the only mark of conception is a tiny hint of a stomach.

For me, pregnancy starts in my face and works its way down.  Even my toes get fat.

Thankfully, I have great friends who allow me entry into their swanky events despite my fondness for Super-Cuts and Ding Dongs.

All of the glamorous moms with salon-cuts and salad preferences got me thinking.  I needed to buy a dress that didn't smell like incense or funeral bouquets.  So I called my BFF after the shower wrapped up, and we headed to the nearest suburban mall.

On the way there, we somehow got sidetracked and landed at Kohl's where I had a 20% off coupon. 

That's when things really got interesting.  My pulse started racing when it was discovered that Kohl's was offering 40% off of already marked-down CLEARANCE merchandise.  And I still had the 20% off coupon as well!  I was practically getting sh*t for free. 

There was one item I put in my cart that I cherished above all others.  My palms got sweaty just thinking about it.  Have a look:

It's a tiny little car vacuum that plugs into your cigarette lighter.  Heaven on Earth. The next time the carpool kids spill Nerd candy or Pixie Sticks all over my minivan, I am so ready.

Original price: $24.99.  My out-the-door price with all discounts: $3.59. 

The only thing that even comes to the joy of this purchase is the birth of my children. 

A $3.49 car vacuum. 

It completes me.


  1. yesterday must of been the day to buy vacuums. Being the romantic, I bought the wife for Valentine's day a brand new SHARK PROFESSIONAL NAVIGATOR LIFT-AWAY PRO!!!!!

    see blog for more details

    Her gift really sucks..

  2. Queen Virgo is proud. She now regally dubs you "Baroness of Discounts" or if you prefer, "Czarina of Sales." Your call.

    MOV (aka Queen Virgo)
    ps-- have we found a guest post topic yet? it could involve your penchant for sniffing out good deals..........

  3. Are you just begging people to spill something in the car now? Maybe owning that will be like some kind of insurance against future interior accidents (HA!) For that price you don't even have to ever use it to feel the joy!

  4. Maplewood - you are so wrong. Vacuums are my favorite.

    MOV - I'm working on it. I already have the images I want to use, now just developing my theme....

    Andrea - You might be onto something! If I never have to use it, I will be happy. But it still makes me giddy just knowing it's there.