Get Thee to a Kohls-ery

Instead of dutifully writing my early morning post yesterday, I found myself en route to the Royal Wedding of baby showers.  Throwing on the only clean dress I could find (aka "my funeral dress"), I frantically got my shabby butt out the door in record time. 

Needless to say, I was a bit disheveled and I'm not entirely sure I remembered to wear deodorant.  To top things off, the mommy-to-be looked fantastic.  With only a few weeks left to go in her pregnancy, she still has chiseled arms, a single chin, and a flat butt.  She reminded me of actresses "playing" pregnant where the only mark of conception is a tiny hint of a stomach.

For me, pregnancy starts in my face and works its way down.  Even my toes get fat.

Thankfully, I have great friends who allow me entry into their swanky events despite my fondness for Super-Cuts and Ding Dongs.

All of the glamorous moms with salon-cuts and salad preferences got me thinking.  I needed to buy a dress that didn't smell like incense or funeral bouquets.  So I called my BFF after the shower wrapped up, and we headed to the nearest suburban mall.

On the way there, we somehow got sidetracked and landed at Kohl's where I had a 20% off coupon. 

That's when things really got interesting.  My pulse started racing when it was discovered that Kohl's was offering 40% off of already marked-down CLEARANCE merchandise.  And I still had the 20% off coupon as well!  I was practically getting sh*t for free. 

There was one item I put in my cart that I cherished above all others.  My palms got sweaty just thinking about it.  Have a look:

It's a tiny little car vacuum that plugs into your cigarette lighter.  Heaven on Earth. The next time the carpool kids spill Nerd candy or Pixie Sticks all over my minivan, I am so ready.

Original price: $24.99.  My out-the-door price with all discounts: $3.59. 

The only thing that even comes to the joy of this purchase is the birth of my children. 

A $3.49 car vacuum. 

It completes me.