It was time for breather. Or a bender. I wasn't picky.
We decided on Champp's sports bar because (1) Atheist-Friend likes the salads there, (2) I like the Bears, and (3) BFF likes a good Long Island Iced Tea. A few beers and a 4-shot of Ibuprofen to kill my migraine did just the trick to ready me for our day ahead.
After lunch, we hit a litany of stores. Perhaps there are husbands out there who believe these shopping excursions are completely selfish in nature and designed to feed an insatiable desire for over-priced shoes. I am going to blow the lid off that stereotype right now. If anyone is interested in the truth behind the non-glamorous purchases middle-aged women make, keep reading:
- "House shorts" (Atheist-Friend told us she needed a pair for cleaning the house. We couldn't quite figure out what she was talking about until she showed us a pair. Apparently, they are just soft, comfy shorts that are way too inappropriate for a 40 year-old woman to wear in public. So they are relegated to in-house use only, hence the name).
- Squash for some very odd macaroni and cheese recipe that Atheist-Friend found
- A pack of Cottenelle wipes
- A vat of pretzel pub mix for hubby
- Clothes for daughter
- A book on the mortuary arts
- A pack of Swedish Fish (that I ate most of)
- House Shorts (because now I was just curious)
- Jeans for Danny
- The Jaycee Duggar biography
- A new back-up hair dryer (the old back-up is out of play because our current hair dryer fizzled out today)
- Rice Krispie Treats for the kids' lunches
|My new "House Shorts." Currently on clearance at Target for $9.|
Atheist-Friend insisted on a final stop to Costco, or as BFF outlined, "the only place where you can buy tires for your car and a year supply of tampons." As we pulled into the lot, we started to worry about only one of us having a current membership, and how we could pass ourselves off as a family:
"Lesbian Love Triangle?" I suggested.
"No. Sister Wives," countered BFF.
Atheist-Friend just rolled her eyes and begged us to just wait in the car. Not when there were bulk fruit snacks to purchase!
As the day wound down, Atheist-Friend helped carry some items into my house and the sitter advised I was out of milk. Apparently, she had to borrow some from her Grandma's house down the street when she made the Macoroni & Cheese. I told her to go ahead and use the coffee creamer if ever such a disaster occured again.
"You have hazlenut cream, dummy," reminded Atheist-Friend.
"All the better," I responded.
Atheist-Friend drove my babysitter home and called a few minutes later to let me know she had dropped a gallon of milk off on my doorstep.
I have given her a lot of shit over the years for not being much of an emoter. She tells me that emoters are a dime a dozen. She's right. People who are actually willing to walk the walk are few and far between.
I am so lucky to have friends who let me eat most of their Swedish Fish and friends who deposit milk on my front door like stealth cow bombers.
Sister Wives indeed.