As Seen on TV

An outdoor movie.  A church carnival.  A Chuck E. Cheese birthday party.  You'd think this weekend would rate near-perfection to thrill-seeking little boys.  Yet the incessant complaining and squabbling left me re-thinking all my planning. Was I raising a brood of entitled little first class passengers who thought of me only as Julie, their ship's cruise director? And if this was the case, where the hell was Isaac?  I needed a drink.

In the midst of all the "fun," we headed to Orland Park Mall to pick up new jeans and gym pants for Daniel who insists on growing an inch a week.  His sensory issues resulted in an hour of whining and crying because he had to try on pants with the tags still on: 

These are soooo itchy.

I think I need a Band-Aid.

Am I bleeding here?

C'mon, Mom.  Can't you take the tags off NOW? 

I was so annoyed and stressed that I took all my anxiety out on the Lancome make-up counter.  I frantically  loaded up on needless creams and magical potions meant to restore my lost youth.  There were free gifts!  My eye puffiness could be cured!  Oooh....wrinkle removers!  I bought eyeliner that cost more than my first car:

All this, and people would still tell me I look tired.

I realize now these were stupid and impulsive purchases meant to dull my ache for a single word of kindness or appreciation from the 7 & under crowd.  I will have to return them all this week.

There was one purchase, though, that will not be going back. I also stopped by the As Seen on T.V. store and bought the Ped Egg.  After a summer of going barefoot and wearing flimsy flip-flops, the callouses and cracked skin on my feet were out of control.  I had already tried expensive creams and pumice stones to tame the problem, but nothing had worked. 

I was in a sad and hopeless state on Sunday evening - feeling that all my mothering work was for naught and I was raising children that would think nothing of sticking me in a home. Yet after 10 minutes alone with my Ped Egg, my mood lifted.  Gone were the callouses and dry patches.  They were now relegated to a neat little pile of powdered foot.   Pink and healthy skin was restored. It was amazing.

It's like taking a cheese-grater to your foot.

So for the bargain basement price of $9.99, I headed to bed happy, callous-free, and committed to never ever doing anything fun with my children again.  Unless it involves the Ped Egg.