Thursday, July 21, 2011

Perhaps Having "Deathly Hallows" in the Title Should Have Been a Tip?

Miniature-Friend called me a couple of days ago as I was driving back from piano lessons and asked if Daniel wanted to go to the movies. Instead of instantly agreeing (like I would have done as a child, delighted at the opportunity to go anywhere with people who were not my family), Daniel asked, "What are they seeing?"

I don't know Dan.  A MOVIE.

Daniel quickly outlined his conditions: Call them back, mom.  I will go if it's 'Transformers' or 'Harry Potter.'  If it's anything else, forget it.

I knew my odds of reducing the child load for a few hours were zero when I heard the selected movie was Winnie the Pooh.  Thankfully, Miniature-Friend and I agreed to meet up the next day for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.  It was an exceptionally hot one in Chicago yesterday, and I was feeling bloated.  Air conditioning and Swedish Fish seemed the perfect antidote.  Maybe I could even get a nap in.

So I lined up the babysitter (Joey hates loud movies) and firmed up plans.  I was surprised to see my husband walk in yesterday morning after his 24 hour shift at the firehouse.  No 2nd job call.  Do I cancel the babysitter?  Which parent goes to the movies?  Joe suggested we keep the babysitter and head out together to see Harry Potter.  Like a date even.

I didn't have the heart to outline how this was going to go down, so I played along. 

Yes, like a date.
Well one hour later, my husband was annoyed that I insisted we make a Target candy run (I mean did he think I of all people was really going to pay $5 for one box of Junior Mints at the theatre?).  We drove into the parking lot right at the movie's posted "start time."  He continued to grumble about being late and got even testier when in a heat-induced snit, I snapped, "you have heard of previews, right?  They take like 20 minutes."

Distracted as I dolled out Target candy to our group, I couldn't dissuade Joe as he snuck off to buy $20 popcorn. We were sitting directly behind our boys and their little friends. Did my husband honestly think the little beggars were going to be happy with their discounted Kit Kats once the smell of movie popcorn wafted past them?

The moment the hungry little gaggle realized popcorn was in the possession of an accompanying adult, the requests started.  Thankfully, I am well-versed in the rules of $20 popcorn purchases and the free-refill amendment.  I couldn't tell you what the Bill of Rights encompasses, but free popcorn I know.  I assured the kiddies that Mr. Crabby Toes would eat the first bag of popcorn, and I would turn over the refill to them for the 2nd half of the movie.  I shot daggers at my husband who just looked at me like "what?"

Not having a clue about the storyline since the first Harry Potter movie, all 3 adults were completely baffled by the plot.  But all 3 adults were keenly aware that this was a far more violent and less child-friendly movie than the first.  My husband continued to look at me with horror each time a particularly upsetting scene came on the screen.  What was I exposing our children to?  The Swedish Fish sugar crash caused me to snap again:

Those freakin' flying monkeys in 'The Wizard of Oz' were ungodly frightening, too.  Leave me alone.  You're not coming next time.  You can stay home and watch 'Swamp People' or 'Storage Wars' or whatever makes you happy.

Maybe I Should Have Paid More Attention to the PG13 Rating?
And with that, we got the twelfth request inside of 20 minutes to take another kid to the bathroom thanks in large part to the free-refill quart of pink lemonade. 

Just like a date. 

Miniature-Friend was worried about the kids having nightmares.  I figured they spent half the time in the bathroom and the other half of the time asking when Joe was going to be done with the first round popcorn so they could have their free refill.  I tried to assure her:

They're fine.  I saw 'The Shining' when I was 7, and I'm perfectly normal and well-adjusted.

Miniature-Friend did not look convinced.


  1. Huh! You saw 'he Shining' when you were seven years old. With whom? I wasn't there. Hmmmmmmm.
    I must have the same disease known as oblivious that Joe has. Besides, we do not multi-task.

  2. Atheist-friend is trying really hard not to say anything. It's making my brain hurt.

  3. Anonymous (aka DAD) - I think my friend's parents took us believing it was another kind of movie. Yet once the slaughtering began, it wasn't like they rushed us out of there. hmmm

    Atheist-Friend - I know, I know you warned me. You godless people always have to be right about everything, don't you?

  4. No, that's us control freak/Type A people who have to be right about everything. Let's not persecute the Atheists.

  5. Atheist-Frined: You're right. I'm sorry. God forbid I generalize the atheists. heh heh heh

  6. I let Kelly watch Poltergeist I, II and III two days ago when I needed to get massive housework done. She hasn't slept through the night since. I was happy just to see her laptop hadn't become morphed to her body making her part Borg.

    Danny rocks!


  7. My kids are still young enough, and I'm paranoid enough, that all we watch are Disney cartoons. It's reassuring (to me, anyway!) to be able to say "don't worry, it's just a cartoon, cartoons aren't real."

  8. Megan - a scary movie is good for her...teaches her to conquer her fears and proves the world ins't perfect - valuable lessons. Rationalizing 101.

    Skwishee - enjoy the cartoons-only years. The second Daniel figured out how to use the remote, it was all downhill. Despite my threats.(;