Sunday, July 3, 2011

Block Party Czar

So after all my blogging about neighborhood wood chippers, deck additions, and sprinkler-stealing, who do you think got nominated to co-chair our street's block party this year?  That's right. Yours truly. I didn't even know my name was on the ballot.  Of course, this is Chicago.  Voting early and often is practically a mandate.

I have very logically refrained from engaging in this sort of activity given my inability to "go with the flow." Simply put:  I am a dictator (an "Alpha Female" if you will).  In corporate America, my loyal event planner, Sharon, executed all my wishes to perfection. When she made recommendations that I didn't like, I would merely say "Nah. Let's do it my way."  Frank Sinatra would have been proud.

Those days are gone. On my own version of Wisteria Lane, I'm forced to play nice and listen to people's suggestions and be thoughtful and considerate.  My sons could testify to my gross ineptitude in this area. I am just not naturally nice or patient.  When I worked, I despised corporate meetings where every EVP, AVP, and just plain VP would toss out random concepts and wait for a standing ovation to commemorate their brilliance. Oddly enough, these same geniuses never stuck around to investigate, oversee, or implement a single thing. Those tasks, my friends, are usually assigned to a woman.

I Heart Crossing Alps
There is a clear explanation as to why men are the great visionaries in society while women are the great pooh-poohers. Women can anticipate the work involved behind every grand scheme. I can only imagine what Hannibal's wife had to say when he suggested using elephants to cross the Alps and attack the Romans:

Mrs. Hannibal:  Really, you want to use elephants?  To march across mountains?  That's your master plan?

Hannibal:  That's the plan.

Mrs. Hannibal: Have you thought about the clean-up on this super idea? Geezus...the smell alone will alert the Romans from 10,000 kilometers.

Hannibal:  Oh, hush.

Mrs. Hannibal: And what about the river Rhone? It's not like elephants swim, dear. Unless your understanding of elephants differs from mine? Oh...but wait, who got an "A" in Mammalology 101 and who was too busy having sword fights in the quad to go to class?

Hannibal:  You're killing my invasion buzz.

Mrs. Hannibal:  You never think things through.

Hannibal:  You're right.  I married you.

So here I am, Czar of the Block Party and fully prepared for the neighbors to never speak to me again. I don't want to conduct brainstorming sessions. I don't want investigate new themes. I don't want to re-invent the wheel.

My co-chair and I will do everything we can to make this a nice block party. And if the people don't like it, they can vote me out of office next year.

Or I'll come up with a texting scandal to speed up my ousting.

And that is why elections matter.


  1. Just remember all the kids really care about are the glow sticks!

  2. Glow sticks! I forgot about the glow sticks! I'm writing that down now.

  3. co-chair votes for glow sticks and simple bike riding....ok, and sidewalk chaulk creations! It will be fine!

  4. Co-Chair - Agreed! Wow, that was easier than I thought.