I got the scare of my life the other day. Going on my usual 4 hours of sleep a night, I stumbled downstairs to perform the perfunctory headcount of my children. Figuring they would all be glued to Phineas and Ferb, I was surprised when I reached the bottom of the steps only to find a tidy family room. Could they all possibly still be sleeping? My little roosters were usually up at 6:30 am.
I cracked my knees and headed back upstairs to do a "visual." I began to panic when I found their beds to be empty. Then I remembered that Joe was off that morning. Could he have taken them to breakfast at one of his Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives locales? I looked out our front window and saw both cars parked and the construction crew working diligently on our driveway.
With my pulse racing, I checked the backyard and saw Joe calmly talking to the head of the crew with absolutely no kids anywhere in sight. Were they already run over by that big roller thing and soon to be forever blazoned in my driveway? My stomach turned. I was now on the warpath as I opened the back door and blasted over all the noise:
WHERE ARE THE KIDS???
My husband yelled something back, but I couldn't hear him. Thankfully, Joe is a gesturer, so I took notice of him pointing west. I ran back to the front door and swung it open to find:
Apparently, the little goons had plotted their way to (1) a Cap'n Crunch breakfast (which I strictly forbid as this is "Daddy's cereal") and (2) an escape out the front door to oversee all the excitement of driveway construction.
When I asked who told them they could go outside, I got the stock response of "Daddy knows we're here." This meant they performed the action first, received no reprimand from Joe, and now felt completely vindicated.
I threatened them all within an inch of their lives if they moved even one single step down and went back inside to make myself a pot of coffee.
A few minutes later, one of the construction guys came over and jokingly asked Joey if he could finish up the work for the crew. We always call Joey "Captain Literal," as he hasn't quite mastered the art of repartee. I would have assumed that Joey instantly agreed and marched towards the driveway to get his hands on all the equipment he'd been coveting for days. Instead, his response?
"I'm telling my mommy on you. She said 'WAIT HERE.' You in twuble now."
He proceeded to run inside, recount the whole exchange, and then ask for another bowl of Cap'n Crunch.
For valour in the face of great temptation, I granted my younget's request by pouring the last bit of cereal into his waiting bowl
And Joe got stuck with Cheerios.