Friday, June 8, 2012

Why Bank Robbers Suck

The first robbery halted traffic all along 111th this past weekend.  The boys and I were on our way home from music lessons and were re-routed through Oak Lawn.  The robber was eventually found stuck in an air duct inside the adjoining building.  Moron.

The next robbery occurred at my regular bank on Western Avenue where I've given up waiting the 20 minutes it normally takes to go through the drive-thru.  I typically drag the kids inside to handle transactions and I even called the corporate office a few weeks ago to complain how long it takes to get anything done at the bank.  Part of me wonders if this robber was really just a fed-up patron disgusted with the ridiculously slow pace of the employees.  I can almost imagine an annoyed senior citizen walking in with a Nerf Water Gun and insisting "I want $60. NOW.  From my account."

There was yet another robbery on 88th & Ridgeland inside the bank at Jewel.  The guy took off on foot.  I hope he tripped.  Idiot. 

So that's been the big news here on the southside of Chicago this past week.  Rotten apples running around stealing money and mucking up traffic.

I'm starting to think that putting money under the mattress is really the better way to go.

But the kids would complain. 

My mattress doesn't hand out suckers.


  1. Hi Marianne,yes I know what you mean regarding the slow service at that bank. A couple of years ago, I was treated so rudely, I wrote a letter complaining. Now when I walk in the service is still slow, but they know me and greet me by name.

    Formerly MBF

  2. I always wonder how those robbers get the guts to do it. I'd be so nervous, I'd drop the gun and probably shoot myself. "Give me all your... ah crap! Can you call 911?"

  3. Hi Marianne,
    Good God - move out! it sounds like a very colourful part of the world. The only time I visited Chicago I thought I would freeze to death :-)

    Waiting in line can make you feel like murdering someone though, especially when they are just chatting with the teller about nothing relating to banking.

    Have a great weekend and thanks for visiting me on my virtual Paris trip :-)

  4. Marianne, that is hilarious. Well, I guess it WOULD be if it weren't so pathetic and true. I loved your senior citizen line "give me $60. now. from my account." so funny! I wish I'd thought of it!

  5. "Rotten apples running around stealing money and mucking up traffic" Hahaha. This line cracked me up.

  6. I will just cram myself in this air duct. I saw it on TV and it totally worked.

    I am dying over the Senior Citizen bank robber. I was asked to leave the bank a few years ago when I started shouting about how they wouldn't let me take my OWN MONEY out. Obviously, we switched to a credit union. They not only have suckers, but pomegranate lip balm.

  7. I think your savings plan wiLL lead to a rash of mattress thefts.

  8. With interest rates so fabulous, you might as well just buy a big old bag of lollipops and save yourself the aggravation! When I first saw the title of the post,I thought,, why do bank robbers suck? Then remember that they rob banks!

  9. MBF - What's this "formerly?" You're killin' me.

    Jewels - You were raised right. Us nervous types tend to stick within the law. (:

    Yonks - Sorry about the chill! It is quite nice here during the summer. I am still loving your virtual Paris trip. Must get away soon.

    Judy - Thank you!

    Catie - I aim to please. (:

    TangledLou - tell me more of this Credit Union of whence you speak. Sounds marvelous.

    esbboston - You're right. More robberies and no suckers to soften the blow. ):

    Andrea - I'm glad my deceptive title drew you in! I hate banks. And suckers. So it's really a draw.

  10. Just be safe out there :) For some reason we don't have a lot of banks down here with drive thrus; kind of miss them now that you mentioned them; the dog loved to come with me to do banking since they would give him a cookie :)

    have a great weekend :)


  11. Bank robbers do suck, don't they? Well, so do banks. So I guess you give a little, you get a little.

  12. Marianne
    Bank Robber School 101 starts next week. Chapter 1: How to avoid air ducts. Cheap tuition rates apply through next week.

  13. So glad I'm on the north side of Chicago. Our bank robbers are so much smarter. They're so smart that they don't even try to rob banks ....



  14. It's not just bank robbers.
    I would really love to sit with a criminal..and ask them, "why would you do that?" What makes you think it's your right to steal or more worse, take a life?"

    And it's not just the these crimes, what about those that after years of being told of the dangers of "drinking and driving" some still think they can drink like a fish all night and drive a 4000 lb. vehicle. Or how bout the drivers who disregard construction zone speed limits and feel it's their right to do 70 in a 45 mph. zone. I just don't get it.


  15. BAHAHAHAH at your last line. SO FUNNY!