Tuesday, January 29, 2013

When Your Past Smells Like Grease & Gravy

You guys must have figured that I'd go and order business cards ten minutes after scoring the big monthly gig with Chicago Parent*, right?  After waiting nearly 40 years to call myself a professional writer, I had to make it official.  I wanted it in writing.

For the record, here is but a sampling of the titles I endured along the way:
  • Old Country Buffet: Bus Boy (nobody cared that I had boobies).
  • Chuck E. Cheese:  Serving Staff/Costumed Idiot.  Kids kicked me every day, as though big giant rats do not have feelings or nerve endings.    
  • Denny's: Waitress.  I actually met a lot of nice truck drivers here.  Truck drivers are very good tippers by the way. 
  • Eastern Illinois University Food Service:  Line Server (but I eventually was promoted to payroll clerk because the large German woman who ran the joint loved me.  Like loved-me/loved-me).  
  • School District 140: Substitute Teacher.  This job reminded me how much I don't enjoy working with children.  
  • Sakura Bank: Accounts Receivable Department.  Once a week, the Japanese managers asked that I dress up as Godzilla and take pictures with the staff.  It was kind of like being back at Chuck E. Cheese but without tokens.
Yup.  I certainly paid my dues.  I paid them in smelly aprons and in polyester pants.  I paid them in rotten kids and in hours of wiping boogary balls from the play pit.  I paid them in public humiliation and in sore shins. 

All to get here:

The New January Re-Launch of the Magazine

Page 34!  Click HERE to read what I wrote.

Totally worth it.

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*Chicago Parent is a free publication circulated throughout the Chicagoland area.  Paid paper subscriptions are available by emailing: 

circulation@chicagoparent.com

Electronic versions can also be accessed at iTunes and Kindle through the newsstand.  I will also link to any articles made available on chicagoparent.com here on my blog.  

25 comments:

  1. Good column again and hysterical resume. You bring many smiles. Yes, you can hang your shingle out for writing, but I need to see the actual business card.

    You show so much love for your sons here that you can never really, truly make the "bad parent" label. Who says good parents have to read every piece of paper that comes home! You just got off the niceness treadmill like we all have to do to survive and to teach survival techniques to the kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The niceness treadmill - I love the expression!

      Thank you so much for the kind words & encouragement, Carol!

      Delete
  2. Congratulations, Marianne! I am so excited for you. You totally deserve it, you are a FABULOUS writer! And I love your book by the way.......

    :)
    xxo
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks!

      And I'm SO relieved my co-author knew how to spell! Lord knows I don't!

      (;

      Delete
  3. That past smells pretty good. Especially the gravy part.
    Congrats, Marianne!
    Going to read now...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gravy makes everything better.

      Thanks, Tina!

      Delete
  4. Woohoo for no more polyester pants and for calling out your own FUPA! Perfection is annoying, and I'm all for good enough. Bad parents, we have found our leader! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Had to google "FUPA." I'm so stealing that - perfect description!

      I can't be a leader...I'd never remember to attend the meetings!

      Delete
  5. I had to laugh at some of your other jobs. Really had to dress up as Godzilla? Wow! You'd think kids would be kind to Chucky; I guess that's not the case! I have heard that truck drivers are good tippers; I'm sure if you were kind and friendly to them, they probably enjoyed the interaction after miles driving alone. Interesting jobs, but your writing sounds like a wonderful career!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Betty! I didn't include it, but I also worked at Target (best job EVER). They gave me a CLEARANCE gun. Why oh why did I ever leave????

      Delete
  6. Finally, the fates realized you were under-appreciated for your true talents!!
    (Does Joe get jealous whenever you see large German-looking women?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Joe would probably want me to ask her for her sauerkraut recipe!

      Delete
  7. Marianne, you are awesome!

    When I look at your job history I am a little surprised you didn't go into acting. I mean, Godzilla?! I hope you got to keep the costume.

    Congratulations on having all of your hard work pay off and for finally getting the official title you deserve: Professional Writer. Order the business cards!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lillian! Oddly enough, I've had a strong aversion to costumes since all this....

      Thank you for the kind words! I'll drop you a business card soon (that is, if I remember because you know I'm half nit-wit).

      I'm still loving my mermaid!

      Delete
  8. nothing turns a guy on more than a woman in Godzilla garb. While the wife dons that, I dress in my fav garb, i.e., Zorro! Our sword fights our legendary.
    Elena: When I said we were never meant to be together... I meant it.
    Zorro: Finally, we agree on something!
    [they kiss]

    MBF (who else)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell me again why you're not blogging. You are a fertile imagination in need of an outlet. Today.

      Delete
  9. Chuck E Cheese? You just made my life.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've submitted some stuff to the Detroit-area version of this magazine...Metro Parent. No response. Boo Hoo :(

    Your resume is almost as glamorous as mine.

    Mine boasts, Book re-shelving at the library; running from rabid dogs on icy sidewalks delivering pizza coupons; and dishing out movie popcorn for below minimum wage. Good times...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Detroit doesn't know what they're missing! Booooo.

      Handing out coupons pretty much is the lowest rung of job respectability. WELL DONE, and more importantly, when are you going to blog about that????

      Delete
  11. After reading that, I now feel strangely proud to be labelled a bad parent...not sure if that's a good thing or not.

    That was an absolute joy to read. Loved it! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lily!! Bad parents are way more fun to drink with anyway. Less judging & more stumbling.

      Delete
  12. I'm working on it because you inspire me. Started creating it yesterday.
    MBF

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG - Chuck E. Cheese? No way! PS - My kids think it's called Chuck E Cheez-Its and ask when we can go there.

    ReplyDelete