Monday, September 3, 2012

Labor Day

With all due deference to those laborers who got kids off the assembly lines and rallied for 8-hour days, my mind somehow drifts elsewhere on Labor Day.

It goes directly to a certain community hospital where I attempted to deliver my first son.  My doctors, despite earlier assurances to not allow me to go past 40 weeks, were big fat liars.  At 41 weeks, they sent me home.  At 41 1/2 weeks, I begged.  At 42 weeks, I marched into the hospital and demanded "OUT.  Get it out.  NOW."

One doctor, annoyed by my interrupting his golf game, yelled at me.  He told me that I was only having an 8 pound baby and that I shouldn't have come in until things were "moving."   I was then injected with horse dosages of pitocin and for the next 48 hours, I was prodded and turned as the baby's heart rate fluctuated wildly.


Daniel was no fool.  As a nearly 11-pound, 24-inch over-cooked toddler, he knew the laws of physics were working against him.  He eyed his only escape route and recognized there was no way.  He dug in and refused to budge.  For 48 hours.  Persistent little cuss.

As I waited through several shifts in nurses and doctors from the practice, Doctor #4 decided maybe we ought to do a c-section.  He was staring at the little paper print-outs of Dan's heart rate and finally appeared mildly interested.

When the anesthesiologist came in, I felt I had an advocate on my side.  He muttered to the nurse, "She's been here HOW LONG and they're just deciding to do a c-section NOW??"

So after 48 hours of labor, drugs, and feeling like the worst mother in the world, they pulled out my Danny who was hungry, cranky, and asking for solid foods.  He had a partially collapsed lung and required antibiotics immediately.

When they weighed him, the doctor offered up only the most passing of conciliatory words.

"Guess we were a bit off with that eight pounds, huh?"

A$$hole.

Happy Labor Day!

24 comments:

  1. I am shocked! This is the opposite of what I usually hear--doctors shaming women for not wanting to induce at one day past the "due date". How awful. I'm so glad everything worked out all right. When will doctors start listening to women's own instincts? Nuts.

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    1. Amen! I switched to a marvelous WOMAN OB-GYN after that out of Northwestern. Things went much better for my subsequent pregnancies.

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  2. I thank the good Lord and evolution for giving men a pass on child birth. I do not like pain.
    MBF

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    1. I'm with you, MBF. Sadly, I had several (three, actually) moments of insanity which brought me to these instances.

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  3. It may have been a terrible labor, but Danny is such a great kid. Hope you are having lots of pina coladas on your day.

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    1. We wound up going to a Sox game - and I did have one! Danny was obviously worth it, and much more!

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  4. Bwahaha!!! Thank goodness for doctor number four - too bad he wasn't number one or two :)

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    1. Best doctor was #5 out of Northwestern (delivered Jack & Joey). She was a WOMAN.

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  5. You sure make a cute pregnant lady! I looked like a swollen hippo. I would have been clawing someone's eyes out after what you went through! I bet he looked giant next to the other babies in the nursery,lol!

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    1. OMG, Catie. Because of his complications, they put him with all the 3 pounders. He looked like he ate the rest of the babies in the unit. Thanks for the nice compliment. What makes you think I was pregnant there?

      ha ha just kidding. (;

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  6. and he probably remains one today only bigger. God bless Daniel and his courageous MOM. Eyewitness to this debacle at said facility.
    SF

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    1. Why didn't you punch someone? I woulda if the epideral didn't keep me stuck to the bed. LOL. Thanks, SF!

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  7. Haha- After my last one was born, I was having a tubal done. While I was semi conscious, the nurses and doc were betting on how much my son weighed like it was the Super Bowl! I remember the cheer that went up after his weigh in- of course, the nurse won.
    He was 10 lbs 3 oz. I'm still shocked. Mostly that I weigh more now than when I went in to have him! LOL

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    1. Damn kids ruin everything. Ah well, they're still worth it. 10 lbs, 3 oz??? I hope that child has been good to you all these years!

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  8. That clang, is the sound of my jaw hitting the floor!
    11lbs! Jeez, you're like Superwoman!
    The fact that he was alright, is a testimony to his strength. ;D

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    1. Thank, Lil! The kid remains a gentle giant. I got gold.

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  9. You win the Labor Day horror story of the year award! Yikes! I would've been that crazy Shirley McClaine character in Terms of Endearment ...

    :)

    Linda

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    1. Oh, I think my mom (the nurse) may have had a Shirley McClaine moment or two, I was just too stoned to notice.

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  10. Holy crap! I hate when they try to tell you how big your baby is going to be. Like they know.
    I LOVE the anesthesiologist! I considered naming my fifth kid after him.
    (One year, on Labor Day, TLC had a 'A Baby Story' marathon. I was pregnant and my husband and I sat and watched it all day.)

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    1. I LOVE A Baby Story! I can still watch an entire marathon session.

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  11. Nothing worse than a doctor that won't take a woman in labor seriously! What a great labor day story! And, it's a plus he doesn't have to work on an assembly line as a kid.

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    1. Right-O! I switched to a woman doctor after this experience.

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  12. Gadzooks! How were no medical personnel harmed in the making of that delivery story!? AND, why does your pregnant self just look like me with a post pizza bloat? Geeze lady!

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    1. Oh, Andrea. I love you so ...do go on.

      Joe & I had never had a baby before, so we thought this was all standard procedure. Yes. We were idiots.

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