Monday, July 29, 2013

How BlogHer 2013 Nearly Killed Marianne

The big BlogHer 2013 Conference has come and gone, and I do not know where to begin.  As a humor writer, my usual protocol is to take one little funny occurrence and parlay that into an entire blog. 

But this weekend?

COMEDY OVERLOAD.

The amount of satire, humor, and silliness is so overwhelming, I may well die.

On a positive note, I was crowned Queen of BlogHer on the Expo floor this past Friday.  I do not know if the title is official or not, or if the model/beauty queen/tradeshow spokeswoman was sanctioned by the Beauty Pageant Rulers of America, but I accept my responsibilities nonetheless.  Crown and all. 


My platform is world peace and Nutella for everyone.

Sadly, I lost the sash on the Expo floor along with one of my free bottles of personal lubricant given to me by the Trojan company.

Once I am able to make sense of all this, I will definitely share more.  But in the meantime, if anyone finds a bottle resembling the one below, please let me know:

My husband's response:  "Were you at BlogHer or EXXXOTICA 2013?"


To be continued....

24 comments:

  1. Lots of lubricant was "lost" this weekend. Probably because it is so slippery.

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  2. I have been trying to find a non-assholey way to say you probably meant "Were" where you said "Where". But I can't.

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    1. Fixed & thanks, Lou! I love free editing!

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  3. You are going to have to give me the low-down.

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    1. Still decompressing, Kirb. Will get to you, soon!

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  4. My only question is, WHERE IS THE VIBE????
    Don't tell me you lost it on the Expo floor alongside your Trade Show virginity....too much? Yes? No?
    I can't wait for Kristen Wiig to play me in the soon to be released movie version of the past 72 hours.
    Now I just gotta get back to emptying my swag bags.....

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    1. The vibe warrants its own entry. SOON, I promise. I'm hoping to be played by Giselle. I think it's appropriate casting, no?

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  5. OMG I'm dying with laughter . . . . . . Are you sure your title wasn't "Queen of the Lube" given how much you acquired while you were there?

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    Replies
    1. Shhhh. My lube hoarding tendencies are a bit embarrassing....

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  6. Replies
    1. Thanks, Lisa & so great to hang with you!

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  7. Don't tease us, Mar! Spill it...the details, not your lube.

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  8. Thanks for a tidbit from your week. Always love your humor.

    Good news. The Trojans are found. See the last two posts on my blog. Oh wait! You aren't talking about Trojans and viruses on computers--but lubricants!

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  9. I definitely didn't see one of those bottles anywhere... *double checks goodie drawer still there...* Nope. Not at all.

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    1. Likely story. SO GREAT to meet you at BlogHer, Chrissy!!

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  10. I was thinking that I should have been named King, but then I found out about the prizes, and, weLL, no. I am not sure if I have anything stiLL on blogher, I wiLL have to check.

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    1. Hmmm, I checked and my writing is stiLL there, but it appears they have changed their abuser interface so now it is difficult to see if people are reading your things, *sigh*, hopefuLLy no robots from Latvia.

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  11. Next time you are angry at the hubby just leave all of the bottles of lube and the vibe on the nightstand. Straightens them out every time.

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