Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day Choices

I haven't exactly hidden my feelings about the banishment of treats from the Chicago Public Schools.  Instead of suckers and chalky hearts, we're all now supposed to send our kids to school with erasers and paper clips for holiday parties.

I asked for some ideas from my Facebook crowd, and choices were narrowed down to toothbrushes, toilet paper, or copies of my book.

I headed to Target for some Charmin.  Then I spotted these:


WHISTLES

And these:


KAZOOS
Part of me figured that if CPS was going to take away candy, then I'd take away serenity.  Imagine.  Over 30 kids armed with whistles and kazoos.  The teachers would hate me.  Or rather, hate me more.

Yet I couldn't pull the trigger.  Even I couldn't be that cruel.

So I revisited the toothbrush idea:


That didn't feel right either.  Going from boxes of candy to oral care instruments?  I was practically a representative for the American Dental Association.

I debated and stewed for hours.  The kids will be waking up shortly.  I've prepared a variety of selections to choose from, including Valentine's Day cards with squares of toilet paper taped to each one:


There's a crappy metaphor in here somewhere, but I'm just too tired to find it.  No matter.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

32 comments:

  1. You have such a wicked, fun imagination! Glad you didn't buy noisy Valentines.

    I sometimes get asked when I substitute teach if I have candy for middle school or high school students. I tell them I'm cheap. I just rap at the end of good classes and some do not think my raps are a fair trade for good behavior.

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    1. You RAP Carol??? You have been holding out. I full expect a YouTube video from you this week. Happy Valentine's Day!

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    2. Yep! I write and deliver raps--have ten of them. One high school where I substitute teach has decided my rapper name is "Three Chains and a Bracelet", but I have never heard "Two Chains".

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  2. Ha ha :) That would be hard, if you can't send candy! I mean, seriously, though, they can't allow candy for holidays? That's really silly.

    You totally should have bought the noisemakers.

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    1. My favorite memories from childhood were the school holiday parties with treats! My mom never got us anything with sugar, so those events were practically the highlight of my year. I may well consider the noisemakers for next year.

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  3. See, here's where you go with your gut, send candy and f@*# em. What's gonna happen if you do? Are they gonna suspend you?

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    1. This is CPS, YzarC. They could make me DISAPPEAR.

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  4. As an educational professional, thank you for not giving that poor teacher a headache. If you're thinking TP, what about those little Dixie cups that look like shot glasses?

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    1. Dixie Cups!!! D'oh! Why didn't I think of that???

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  5. The whistles and kazoos were a genius thought! I still get surprised when I listen to veteran moms talk about certain holidays and traditions. Valentine's Day was always one I looked forward to as a child and then when I became a new mom, I started having fantasies of how cute it would be when my munchkin started handing them out. Then I started listening to the realities of all the non-fun involved...mandatory baking...banning sugary things...signing your son's name on teeny red pieces of overpriced and over-commercialized paper until your hands begin to cramp up. I'm so confused now! I guess I'll take this wine and box of chocolates and and hide in my closet while I ponder it for a while ;)

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    1. I think the wine and closet may be a good idea. Need any toliet paper while you're in there? I'm STOCKED.

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  6. Marianne I am ashamed of you. Not because you thought of something so cruel as noisemakers, but rather that you did not give them out.

    But wait, I guess I take that back. The teachers should not be punished, but rather the district heads. Maybe the kids could take a field trip to the school district offices, all armed with Kazoos.........

    (I kinda liked the toothbrush idea)

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    1. I'll pass them out to all the people protesting the various school closings at the next Board of Ed meeting! Maybe they'll even give me some candy to thank me!

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  7. I know it's too late for this year, but I heard they have Valentine's whoopie cushions at Oriental Trading Co. Just a though. ;)

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    1. THAT would have been genius. Next year, next year. Thanks, Danelle.

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  8. Oh Walshie, I so wish that you had gone with the noise pollution option. But in saying that, everyone needs toilet paper...except those ones with the Aloe vera...too slippery. :)

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    1. There's Aloe Vera toliet paper??? How did I miss this? For you, Lil, we're going with noise pollution next year. I'll take a video.

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  9. You crack me up! I love the idea of the noisemakers, but remember -- it's not the teachers' fault for the lousy administration. What you really need to do is organize a kids' parade in front of the administrative offices, and bring all the noisemakers you can find. And eat cupcakes! And use the extra tp to roll their offices. Not that I've given any thought to this, or anything.

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  10. I just wrote all that and read JR's comment. You know what they say about great minds...!

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    1. Wait - you guys aren't the same person?

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  11. honestly, I would have gone with the kazoos and whistles :)

    I hope it was a nice day for you all!

    betty

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  12. I am so totally doing the kazoo thing next year! No Mercy!

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  13. I would much rather have my kid come home with TP than those dang whistles!

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  14. Rats! A kazoo parade down the main office would have been so festive! Wasn't there a great REO song...I'm gonna keep on wiping poooooooooooooh, cuz it's the only thing I wanna doooooooo? (I might be losing my mind as I try to recover froma a severe loss of computer time this week)

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    1. You are incorrigible, Andrea.

      Please don't stop. I figure you have to run out of lyrics eventually and I want to be there to witness it!

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  15. My kids are in preschool so they still allow candy. Isabelle gave out lollipops and heart pins and Henry did just lollipops. Although the teachers are smart and they don't open Valentine's until they come home. That way parents deal with the sugar high!

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  16. T.P. squares glued to cards? Priceless! One time when we were kids I took all of my sister's VD cards and wrote "I love you" on all the cards addressed to boys. She discovered it before heading to school and I got in trouble. It would have been an epic prank. It might also be why my sister keeps her distance to this very day.

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