Friday, July 4, 2014

The Contest - Week 5: Big Sexy Hair

In case you don't know what's going on, have a quick read about the impetus behind "The Contest" by clicking HERE

I decided to write a company that I shall hold in high regard until my dying breath:

Big Sexy Hair.

Don't laugh.

They changed my life.

Letter below.


Dear Big Sexy Hair, 

I have wanted big sexy hair for the better part of 40 years.  It all started in the early 1980s when the true mark of a teenage girl was how high her hair would go.  My friends were all masters, putting together gravity-defying feats of aeronautical superiority. Sadly, I quickly lagged behind.

I was a fine-haired lass whose tragic pouf fell instantly to my scalp the second I walked near a puddle.

I was a complete and total eighties failure. And I fully expected to live out the rest of my life as such.

But that was before I saw your product in the store a few months ago.

Big Sexy Hair.

Could it be?  Was there really a hairspray capable of granting my long-ago wish of some hair with a little height?  Some oopmh?  Could the big and sexy look at last be mine?

I popped open the shiny red bottle and went to work.  While I was able to achieve maximum altitude rather quickly, I knew the true test would come soon enough:

Chicago grammar school pick-ups.

As I stood in the gusty parking lot awaiting my children, I felt the wind pick up.  It was as though my epic foe was once again anxious to knock my ego and my hair down to size. 

And for the first time ever, my nemesis failed.

Big Sexy Hair lived up to the hype.

So thank you, Big Sexy Hair, for your amazing product and your understanding that even limp-haired girls need a little big and sexy now and then.


Marianne Walsh
So did Big Sexy Hair respond?
Do I care?
Because I still love me some Big Sexy Hair.
Point total stands at 17.  For Andrea's letter, visit HERE.


  1. I seem to have no trouble with the BIG hair on humid days, but sexy eludes me! Show me the light Big Sexy Hair!!!

    One point game today Hot Momma!!!

    1. I want to be curly and big! Show me, sister!

  2. I need some big sexy hair. Or any hair, for that matter.

  3. I knew you had a secret tool in your arsenal.
    Big sexy thang you.
    That sounded bad.
    Dainty sexy thang you.

    1. Dainty sexy. May make a legal change to that name now. Thanks!

  4. Apparently I missed my aim and sprayed Big Sexy Hair on my butt. Not that I have big sexy butt hair. Or maybe I just sprayed Big Sexy on my butt. Scratch that (not my butt). I only sprayed Big on my butt. That's the only explanation to what's been going on back there lately. I'm a fine-haired lassie too. If I weren't so afraid of the spray pattern, I'd be all over this product.


    1. LOL. Fine hair sucks!!! You an 80s failure, too???