Friday, June 13, 2014

The Contest: Week 2 Parissa Body Sugar

In case you have no idea what's going on with this post, check out THE FULL EXPLANATION which reveals all.

You may be wondering what kind of sexual deviant I am by highlighting the glorious properties of Parissa Body Sugar, right? 

Hold the phones.  It's not what you think.

The product is a hair removal system.  Full letter below.

And please don't tell Andrea I'm going out of order because frankly, I need to prepare myself for bathing suit season.  I'm starting to resemble the Yeti.
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Dear Sir/Madam,

Never in all my 40 years as a human being has there existed the extraordinary genius that exists in your Sugar Hair Removal system. 

Truth be told, until I started using the Parissa Body Sugar Hair Removal system, people questioned whether or not I was actually human. 
I am one hairy monster.  The stuff grows from my elbows and feet.  I once found a 6 inch tentacle sprouting from behind a knee.  When I checked into a hotel several years ago and noticed one of those magnifying mirrors in the bathroom, I took a life-altering look at myself. 

And I suddenly realized why so many people insisted on calling me “sir.”
 
After that experience, I immediately began the search for the perfect product to differentiate myself from Jane Goodall’s Tanzanian jungle friends.  I mean how many times can a girl get mistaken for “Frodo” before doing something about it?  My first attempt involved bleaching.  For fifteen long minutes, I would sit in agonizing pain while the harsh chemicals burned my skin and stripped my hair of all color. 
I wound up looking like Knut the polar bear.
And a bit like Dick Van Dyke.

The bleached hair fooled nobody, so I next purchased a hand-held device that electrocuted follicles one by one.  I would have gladly divulged national security secrets during that time.  My screams could be heard from space.

I tried home waxing kits.  While these were far more effective and less excruciating than previous methods, I accidentally turned my home into a beehive.  The wax wound up everywhere.  No matter how careful I was, a few drips would inevitably harden and hold firm to whatever surface they landed.  My husband complained.  My kids’ socks stuck to the floor.  Wax was everywhere. 
 
What was a hairy girl to do?

And that’s when I found your marvelous sugaring system.  There was so much to make me happy.  I only had to use water to clean up the drips!  The reusable strips were awesome!  And best of all?  If I somehow managed to survive an asteroid hitting the earth, my jar of sugar hair removal stuff is EDIBLE.  Because if all life ceases, there would be no real reason to worry about fuzzy legs.  Heck, maybe my downy covering would prove beneficial. 

I wouldn't even need a cave.

PLUS, I will have an extra jar of post-Apocalyptic SUGAR.  The zombies better look out.
 
You have provided an amazing product, and for that I am grateful.

Sincerely,
 
Marianne Walsh
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So what were the results?  Did the Parissa people send me coupon?  Did they call to request a photo of my fuzziness?
Nope.
They sent this:
 
AND they called my letter "brilliant."
I scored an awesome WARMER to keep my sugar the perfect temperature for eradicating my winter coat.  I also received an additional sugaring system and some fancy gloves and spatula.
My husband has no idea why I am so excited.  He thinks I'm a tulip.
So that brings my score to 10 points (previous week's letter CLICK HERE).  To check out the competition, visit Andrea's blog this week and enjoy a good laugh!
Stay tuned, this goofy-ass series continues next Friday!
 

21 comments:

  1. The part of me that isn't insanely jealous forgives you for going out of order, as this was one of my favorites!

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  2. OMG.
    I bow down to you.
    Who knew Dick Van Dyke was so hairy.
    Well, you did, apparently.

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    Replies
    1. Dick Van Dyke = not hairy, but full of WHITE hair. Like my arms.

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  3. Lol... I'm trying to think of companies I love that I can send ridiculous letters to now...

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    1. "Ridiculous????" Try BRILLIANT. ;)

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  4. You made me laugh out loud. I've never heard of this stuff, but I'm not a yeti. Congratulations.

    Love,
    Janie

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  5. That is one hilarious letter. I am still scared for you though because pain. I hope the sugar induced hair removal isn't too bad. I'm embracing the Yeti.

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    Replies
    1. It's really not too bad, Lillian! Although I have a high threshold for pain. I'm practically She-Ra.

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  6. Ridiculously fabulous, my friend. Well done!

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  7. Right now my legs look like a jungle. I think I need to try this stuff. I get so tired of shaving!!!

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    Replies
    1. I get stubbly, so razors are so not the way to go for me. Sucks having a 5 o'clock shadow on your legs.

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  8. Dick VD is not a good look for you, Mar!
    Glad they sent you some suga stuff.

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    Replies
    1. I'm all about the sugar. And cake. And pie.

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  9. I am just catching up on all these posts and just need to tell you how much I LOVE them. Not love but LOVE. As always, you are so awesome!

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