You may be wondering what kind of sexual deviant I am by highlighting the glorious properties of Parissa Body Sugar, right?
Hold the phones. It's not what you think.
The product is a hair removal system. Full letter below.
And please don't tell Andrea I'm going out of order because frankly, I need to prepare myself for bathing suit season. I'm starting to resemble the Yeti.
Never in all my 40 years as a human being has there existed the extraordinary genius that exists in your Sugar Hair Removal system.
And I suddenly realized why so many people insisted on calling me “sir.”
The bleached hair fooled nobody, so I next purchased a hand-held device that electrocuted follicles one by one. I would have gladly divulged national security secrets during that time. My screams could be heard from space.
I tried home waxing kits. While these were far more effective and less excruciating than previous methods, I accidentally turned my home into a beehive. The wax wound up everywhere. No matter how careful I was, a few drips would inevitably harden and hold firm to whatever surface they landed. My husband complained. My kids’ socks stuck to the floor. Wax was everywhere.
What was a hairy girl to do?
And that’s when I found your marvelous sugaring system. There was so much to make me happy. I only had to use water to clean up the drips! The reusable strips were awesome! And best of all? If I somehow managed to survive an asteroid hitting the earth, my jar of sugar hair removal stuff is EDIBLE. Because if all life ceases, there would be no real reason to worry about fuzzy legs. Heck, maybe my downy covering would prove beneficial.
I wouldn't even need a cave.
PLUS, I will have an extra jar of post-Apocalyptic SUGAR. The zombies better look out.
You have provided an amazing product, and for that I am grateful.
So what were the results? Did the Parissa people send me coupon? Did they call to request a photo of my fuzziness?
They sent this:
AND they called my letter "brilliant."
I scored an awesome WARMER to keep my sugar the perfect temperature for eradicating my winter coat. I also received an additional sugaring system and some fancy gloves and spatula.
My husband has no idea why I am so excited. He thinks I'm a tulip.
Stay tuned, this goofy-ass series continues next Friday!