Monday, November 11, 2013

ERASED

I am not a passive-aggressive person.  Neither is my husband.  We don't engage in the silent treatment.  Neither one of us is smart enough to be snarky.  We don't roll our eyes behind backs or act ambiguously towards people.  If we love you, you know it.  If we don't, we'll simply try to push you down a flight of stairs to avoid any confusion.

One of the natural consequences of being the type of people who wear their emotions on their sleeves is the yelling.  We are definitely not a quiet bunch.  We yell when we are happy, angry, sad, or confused.  Tack on some cuss word and you get the general idea.  Our house is definitely not a place for the faint of heart. 

Yet, it is awesome for the hard of hearing.

Then there is Jack.  Jack is not a loud child.  He hides his emotions better than most poker players.  Only a few skilled family members can discern whether he is blissfully happy or plotting your death. 

He is tricky, that kid.

So when Jack got in trouble for refusing to put away his stuff for the 5th day in a row, there were consequences.  He was not allowed to attend the Mt. Carmel vs. St. Rita state football play-off game with his father and brothers.  The decree was handed down Friday morning.

Then Jack showed up Friday afternoon with his weekly letter home:


If I had just skimmed over the letter like I usually do, I would have missed Mr. Passive-Aggressive's little dig at mom.  See it?

The letter is addressed to "Dad."

And hidden under that word is "Mom." 

But it is erased. 

And written over.

That's right.

My kid erased me.

My husband laughed his ass off at the letter and then advised Jack that he was only digging himself a deeper hole with the woman who holds the keys to his happiness in her hands.

And Joe was right.

While the rest of the family cheered on an exciting Mt. Carmel victory that night, Jack and I headed to Menards.  For three hours.  Picking out extension cords and outlet covers. 

Since then, I asked Jack what happens when he doesn't listen to mommy and erases her name.  He responded:

"We go to Menards.  For, like, EVER."

Chinese water torture doesn't hold a candle to my methods.

23 comments:

  1. I cant stop laughing.
    Menards for like ever really IS torture.

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    1. Ah, it is. But as an adult? LOVE IT!

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  2. DYING!!!!! You are a badass. Everyone should know this by now.

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    1. You understand me like no other, Jen!

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  3. That is awesome. I like Jack. He sounds hysterical.

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  4. Hope you save that picture!

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  5. Never has a number 2 pencil committed an act to warrant such punishment! I may be the one with two teens, but YOU are the jedi master!

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  6. Remind me again, how old is Jack?? LOL, I bet that's the last time the weekly letter comes addressed to only Dad :)

    I can only imagine the sheer agony of 3 hours shopping over the festivities he would rather have been at.

    betty

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    1. Jack is 8, Betty. It's now been our ongoing gag...if anyone is bad, we're all going to MENARDS! Works like a charm.

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  7. Why do gets put the three holes on the right side of their important work? I have never been able to figure this out.

    Hey, Jack, just start with "Mom and Dad" and you will be safe. Like you picture.

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    1. Meant, "Why do GUYS put the three holes of the paper on the right side?" Why does the computer make mistakes for me?

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    2. Stupid computers. And Jack has yet to put the holes on the correct side. I've given up.

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  8. Yep, the threat of being taken shopping would be enough to change my evil ways.

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  9. I love this beyond words. Also, our house is also loud, and sometimes I worry that we are "those people" on the block (which we certainly were when I was a kid). I'm glad we're normal. -ish. :)

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    1. SO normal, Jennifer. Especially in my book!

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  10. OMG, I've practically been living at Menards. No wonder I'm such a b!tch!!!

    You've Been Erased. From Existence. Just like Marty McFly's brother....

    -andi

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    1. I almost had a Marty McFly reference but got distracted. You must have been holding my brain!

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