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Dear Ped Egg,
I’m not
going to lie. When I first saw your Ped
Egg on a television infomercial, I laughed.
How could a miniature cheese grater do all that?
I am not
laughing now.
After
several long summers spent in flip-flops walking to and from the local park
with three children, my feet were approaching elephant tusk status. Thick cracked skin and callouses frightened away
even those with the most steadfast of foot fetishes. My husband started encouraging me to wear
socks.
Too cheap to
pay for expensive spa treatments, I thought I would just have to accept my life as
a nasty-footed mom. Glamorous strappy
sandals were out. I longed to be one of
those people with more dainty and delicate feminine feet than myself…namely my
husband. So I decided to give Ped Egg a
go.
After only a
few short minutes of gently rubbing the Ped Egg in the advised “circular
motion,” I saw PINK. I had not seen pink
or flesh-colored tones on the bottom of my feet in years. What kind of sorcery was this?
Then, morbid
curiosity took over. What awaited inside
this magic foot grater? What remnants of
humanity lingered within? Hesitantly, I
cracked open the light blue plastic container and had a look.
It was practically fairy foot dust.
Years’ worth
of rough and parched foot had been relegated to fluffy little bits of powdered
tootsies. I was breathless with
admiration. Pumice stones, loufahs, and
lotions could not compare to the instant results of the wondrous Ped Egg. I giddily tried on a pair of strappy heels I
had purchased pre-children (shoes that
had not seen the light of day for years).
Right then and there, I decided to never, ever take them off again.
So thank
you, Ped Egg. Because of you, I finally
have prettier feet than my husband. Now
if you have something for stretched and dangling mom stomachs, I would owe you
BIG.
Sincerely,
Marianne Walsh
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Any company with a sense of humor to invent foot graters had to respond, right?
I totally scored a spare Ped Egg:
Thank you, Ped Egg. You're one-half kitsch and one-half the real deal.
Kinda like me.
This brings my score to 32. To check out the competition, visit Andrea HERE today!
Now I have to try it. I want pretty feet like Joe's too.
ReplyDeleteRIGHT???
DeleteI love this thing.
ReplyDeleteIt makes my man feet look, well still like man feet but with less crap on the bottom of them.
Why DO guys have prettier feet? Wait. Don't answer that.
DeleteI really felt like I wasthere, with you, and your feet...um, thanks? Can you spare your spare for a gal whose feet look like she walks on hot coals for a living?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Now where did I put that.......
DeleteThe foot fetish part is hilarious. I've never seen this handy device before. I might look into getting one for Willy Dunne Wooters, whose feet gross me out. He has very bad athlete's foot (I don't know how he can have anything associated with an athlete because he sits all the time). He sprays his feet with stuff and keeps it under control, but his feet are so rough and scaly that it hurts if his foot touches me in bed--where we do nothing but sleep. Dog hair even gets trapped in the cracks on his feet so he walks around with hair hanging from the soles of his feet like a yeti. I know: TMI.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Love,
Janie
Sorry I wrote "Love, Janie" twice. I wish I could edit comments.
DeleteDidn't even notice. And some of the cracks I got this summer?? I think I could have stored money in them. Time to get out the Ped Egg!
DeleteI remember buying one the second I saw the infomercial years ago. I too wanted the feet of my early years. Circular Motion? So that is what I have been doing wrong. I grate back and forth with all my strength then stare at my heel with one eye open waiting for a miracle. I will dig my ped egg out from the back of my bathroom cabinet and try again. You have inspired me. .....and my husband has strangely beautiful smooth feet?!?!? Life is not fair!
ReplyDeleteYes - the circular motion is critical! And guys are up to something with all their freaking pretty feet.
DeleteI have to say, I love the Ped Egg too. I had the same experience. Thought it was hoo-ha, but then tried it, and I was impressed. I now use it about once a month. Soaking my feet in Epsom salts water keeps the feet softer too. :-)
ReplyDelete*Adding Epsom salts to the grocery list now*
DeleteI have a Ped Egg...my SIL gave it to me as a gift quite a few years ago and I remember how offended I was. At the time, my feet still were at baby-butt status. Now? Not so much. I've used it several times, but, alas....they haven't reverted to 16-year-old feet. I guess it helps; perhaps I don't use it often enough. I usually sit on my front porch and scrape away for all the 'hood to see. Of course, they can't see sh!t through the 6-foot weed patch that is my yard right now. Does the Egg also fix bunions and hammer toe?
ReplyDelete-andi