With recurring storms and torrential rain pummeling the midwest, local ants have happily taken up residency in homes around Chicago. So much in fact, that Joey now considers these unwanted visitors his "pets." He names them. He offers to feed them. He's tried to organize them into a game of ant hockey.
And no, we're not buying him a dog.
After I disclosed how many carcinogens I have been releasing into my household to rid ourselves of these little buggers, a childhood friend sent me an emergency supply of anti-bug stuff that she sells through Organnica Inc.
For the record, I am not a diligent investigator of all things chemical. I figured my 1980s hairspray consumption has forever prohibited my involvement in any organic or environmental support group.
I have these kids. And I was using a LOT of bug spray.
So I'm giving the natural stuff a try, and I'm particularly anxious to see how the bug repellent works out, too. We all have about 30 mosquito bites and I'm sick of the whining. Geez, when I was a kid, you got bit and were happy about it, no?
If anyone is interested in ordering their own non-cancer bug stuff, feel free to contact my pal Jennifer:
Okay, I'd better go and spray some Swerve. Joey is trying to get his flock of ants to sit and watch television with him.
I don't think they're cooperating.