Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Matter of Syntax

When we last left off, your favorite cheapskate heroine was rejoicing in locating the perfect used cherry wood dining room table on Craigslist (i.e. Where serial killers find their prey). 

So things obviously started going a little haywire right around then.

For the record, Craigslist sellers and I have diametrically opposed definitions of the phrase in great condition:

I suppose this would be considered "in great condition" if you lived with Cujo.  I won't gross out everyone with the pictures of the upholstered seats, but let's just say Cujo also seemed to have an affinity for doing other things on the white, horribly stained seats that might make you blush. 

The second area of dispute I have with Craigslist sellers is what exactly defines "Chicagoland area."  Let's revisit the route needed to pick-up said Cujo table:


Now things would not have been so bad if I hadn't roped my husband into handling the pick-up, borrowing a truck from another firefighter, and operating on zero sleep as he was coming directly from the firehouse.  I quoted the seller's exact words of "Chicagoland area" and "in great condition" to him.  By the time Joe found himself heading home with one chewed-up and doggy defiled table a mere four hours later, I knew I was in trouble.  He was muttering things like "If you think I'm going to stain all this..." and "Good luck trying to fix that upholstering, you can't even thread a needle." 

As someone who once started a fire with her glue gun and later wound up in the emergency room while trying to hang a picture, I have spent my life shunning the Do-It-Yourself lifestyle.  But now, with the mother of all renovations dropped in my dining room, I was at a loss.

Where was I to go?

What was I to do?

And more importantly, how would Joe ever trust me again?

The exciting conclusion is available today by clicking HERE over at Chicago Parent.

19 comments:

  1. Oh, Mar... I wish I lived closer, we would've had fun fixing up your disgusting new dining set :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have no idea how much that means to me, Jessica! :)

      Delete
  2. I would have come to Chicago and done it for you--it would have both legitimized a trip to my very favorite city AND been a tax write-off!
    (Those high backs are good for your tall people.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do have a used desk that's falling apart and in need of painting or staining. Just putting it out there.... ;)

      Delete
  3. Craigslist is the spawn of the devil I'm pretty sure.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My gosh, Marianne. It came out great!! Brillant idea with the patio furniture type material! You guys did good! Special kudos to Joe for being willing to go and retrieve the table/chairs for you too! Cute story :)

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm still paying the piper with Joe. And you KNOW I don't cook..... ;)

      Delete
  5. It looks amazing! I still want to see before pictures of the chairs though. Phil HATES when I start trolling CL... I get in so much trouble.

    -andi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Football season usually distracts Joe - very helpful!

      Delete
  6. What were you doing trying to hang a picture in the emergency room? I know -- you wait forever in emergency rooms and have to find something to do there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. "Dogs Playing Poker" was SO crooked!

      Delete
  7. Chair legs looked exactly like our lawn furniture when our puppy Smokey had a few nibbles

    ReplyDelete
  8. Umm you can see the Eagle from MY front porch.
    WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GONNA BE UP HERE???
    Next time, let me know.
    I will come with pepper spray and we can go to lunch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely! It was Joe, not me. But he's cute & fun, too!

      Delete
  9. I love perusing Craigsjunk, eh em....list. I won't EVEN discuss the boat I bought a couple of years ago. People like to use the word "vintage" lol to describe their gems.

    Signed,
    Your favorite security guard

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh my goodness...that turned out beautiful. Whew - bet you're glad that's said and done!!! Nice fabric...smart thinking. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Awesome table (at the end!). I recently sent my husband to pick up a treadmill off of Craigslist (mainly so that I can catch up to your steps!) and it was a disaster. When hubs got there the guy had the treadmill motor taken apart in pieces. He then put it back together and the treadmill started working until my husband walked on it and it was like slow motion. The guy (or pack rat, if you will) then spent the next half hour trying to sell the hubs other random junk from his house.

    ReplyDelete